and you know that feeling when you finally turn 25?

yeah, that one.

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what is that all about?

i cried while watching a time lapse video of a person getting old on my birthday.

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and and the fact that my grandpa never experienced me growing into an "adult" 

or whatever it is when you are finally supposed to be responsible.

it's just kind of sad that people fade. we all will fade and it's okay to be scared.

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every year i find comfort in the thought, and then again at some point i face the dark,

just like that one night when i was 13, sitting on the beach with my cousin,

staring at the stars and the infinite black sky that melted into the horizon.

a feeling i can't seem to shake off.

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but it's okay. it's going to be okay. we all face the dark once in a while

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i had a few sessions with a therapist at some point and she told me to write about my feelings, write about anything actually.

so i bought 10 notebooks and never did what i was told to do.

i just kept on drawing

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and writing poems, i guess if she ever wants to read them, i wouldn't know to tell her where to begin.

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and they are all different colours, and

i thought that would help.

one had lines and one had no lines and i always wrote on the empty pages and drew on the ones that are meant for you to write on.

and it was never perfect, and who cares

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its not like she will ever read them anyway.

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but do you know what i'm talking about?

idk, i'm just rambling.

as i wrote earlier, i find it hard to get my thoughts across,

but i hope you can relate.